I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
There are leaves in my underwear?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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