She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
