Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
