Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
