someone get that fucking seahorse.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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