Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
