She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
accomplished twins. life is a go
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
