I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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