My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
