office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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