so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
