I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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