Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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