I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
