I'd wear matching sweaters with you
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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