So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
