wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
