my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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