did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
