its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
