I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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