when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
