DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
