I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
