FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
