How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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