my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
