So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
