thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
