you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
