If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
