I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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