didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I accidentally burped into my bong.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
