just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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