Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
