imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize