He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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