Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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