I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
