i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
