She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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