Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
