I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
