just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
