I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
