my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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