People in love make me want to vomit
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
