You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
