the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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