Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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