i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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