She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
