Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
