We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
