i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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