i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
