we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
