Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
