How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
