Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
