we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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