his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
