she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
