Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
