someone get that fucking seahorse.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
