I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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