i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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