I can text with my tongue
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
