i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
