Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Someone signed my nipple.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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