yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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