i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
