Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
